The clouds are insane today
Like a fluffy gray quilt over our heads
That’s also rushing off somewhere real fast
Cuz it’s windy as heck
I feel insane today
Like I want to jump really high and
See if I can touch the moon
Swat dat moon
Or maybe just tickle dat lil bitch
I feel insane like I have so much energy
And no outlet for it because
I’m at school and supposed to read something
But can’t focus at all
I think that I probably have ADHD
I wanted to try to get medication for it a few years ago
But somebody told me that they wouldn’t give me a prescription
Since I’ve been relatively successful in my academics,
So they would probably be all like
“yeah right you lil hecker. Get out of my office!”
and then kick a chair at me or something
ANNOUNCER: Are “no smoking” bans getting in the way of your busy lifestyle? Do you yearn for the days when you could enjoy a late night meal in a diner AND get your nicotine fix AT THE SAME TIME?
(A middle-aged woman is sitting alone in a diner. She is dowsing off with a plate of french fries and a cup of coffee in front of her.)
ANNOUNCER: Nicotine in the Raw packets are here to save the day! Nicotine packets are the size and shape of sugar packets, except they contain small, sugar-sized granules of sweet, sweet nicotine!
(The same middle-aged woman is now cheerfully and energetically eating fries, while alternatingly ripping open nicotine packets and pouring them into her mouth. Close-up on the nicotine packets which are kept next to the sugar packets on the table.)
WOMAN: Now I can eat AND nicotine-up at the same time again. THANKS, NICOTINE IN THE RAW!
(A heavyset, mustachioed cop approaches the camera, while walking down the hallway of a police station)
COP #1: HEY, SCUMBAGS! I’m sick of catching you IDIOTS smoking in your cars! In case you haven’t heard, IT’S ILLEGAL!
(A man in his late-twenties with a scruffy beard is smoking inside of a car parked on the side of the street. Two cops are watching him from behind some bushes on the other side of the street. They give each other a signal and charge at the car. COP #1 pulls out his truncheon and hits it against the driver’s side window. The truncheon bounces off without damaging the window. He tries again and shatters the window. The man in the car is covered in shards of glass.)
MAN: OWWW! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! OH MY GOOOODDDD!
(Meanwhile, the other cop has smashed in the headlights. He walks around to the gas tank and pulls a ziplock bag of sugar out of his pocket. He starts emptying it into the gas tank. Cop #1 pulls the man out of the car and handcuffs him. He looks at the camera and smiles.)
COP #1: Should have gone for NICOTINE IN THE RAW!
(Both cops look at each other and laugh good-naturedly. The handcuffed man, looks confusedly back and forth between the two cops. After a few seconds, a smile of recognition spreads over his bloodied face. He joins in the laughter.
MAN: I guess you’re right! (Hearty laughter)